Leaving Amsterdam was easier than I thought it would be, and so was the trip to Berlin. Waiting for the train at Amsterdam Centraal a shaggy young man sat down at the public piano at the main entrance and began to play. This kid was good. He made sounds come out of that piano that I sure the piano was happy to be making. He played Gershwin, and Mozart, “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik” , and then started improvising jazz. he started with “A Train” and then just took off. People were dancing in the train station and he finished to cheers and applause and some moans of sorrow when he got up from the piano to catch a train.

I boarded the Berlin train and got in the right seat this time. There were two older gents in the compartment and neither seemed eager to talk so I just settled in. Berlin. That name carries a lot of baggage. I was going mostly because my dad always talked about his time in Germany and of how much he wanted to return. He never did. The train ride was soothing but I was still on edge about Berlin. Not just Berlin though, but also it was landing on me just how far I am from home and how much on my own I am on this trip. My phone doesn’t work in Europe and I don’t intend to change that. I’m in touch with my world only when connected to wifi and that can be sketchy at times in some parts of the continent.

As I think more about this far-from-home feeling it morphs into the realization that I no longer really have a home. For all intents and purposes I am at home now. Tomorrow I’ll be at home on the train to Prague. And in my hotel room in that city far from LA. I am my home. That is a strange idea and it begs some investigation. For me, home and family are one. I was part of a family at the beginning of my life and our home was on Rhapsody way in San Jose. That family is a memory now. My sister and I maintain that memory. The house on Rhapsody Way is still there and we still own it, but it isn’t home.

When I was part of a family that another person and I began together we had several homes, because wherever we were together that was home. When we changed from a family of three to a family of two, the place where the remainder stayed was home. And now, instead of becoming an “empty nester” sitting in a home with no family, I have become a family of one. My son is on his own journey and I have the best hope for him. And my own journey is different from any other journey I’ve ever taken. Rather than setting out from home knowing I will return, I’m instead moving forward, thinking not of What I’ve left behind and my eventual return, but only of what might lie ahead.

I arrived in the German Capitol at 2130 and immediately made my reservations for the trip to Prague. Then a cab ride to the Arcotel Velvet hotel and a very comfy and modern room. The elevator opens on the 4th floor to a large tapestry of a portrait of Goethe. This is truly a German hotel. The women at the front desk inform me that there is a Festival of Lights going on and I might like to check it out. I got settled in and headed out for the festival. I’ll post some images as I lack the words to do it justice but suffice to say The festival is a visual feast. Throughout the city projections are made,onto historic buildings, to change their look and visually redefine what those buildings mean in the minds is the onlookers. The most amazing projections for me were those made on the Brandenburg gate. They were animated 3D projections that gave color and movement and whimsy to a structure that is staid and monochrome and heavy with history. As I watched a street musician, a violinist, began to play. He was playing Mozart, “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik”. I smiled. It was the second time that day I had heard that piece. I walked over to listen. He finished the Mozart and I gave a little applause. A few other people joined me. The player looked at me and gave a brief nod. Then he started playing that beautiful Charlie Chaplin song “Smile”. For reasons that I won’t go into here, that song has a very special meaning to me. I thought about the lyrics as he played:

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just
Smile

That song was running through my head all the way back to the hotel. It began raining on the way and rather than hesitate, or seek cover, I just pulled out my little umbrella and continued on. Life’s still worthwhile. It’s in our power to make it so.